Sharing food is one of the most basic ways that human beings bond with one another.
We celebrate our religious holidays with food.
Family get-togethers center around food.
We get to know potential romantic partners by going to a restaurant to eat food.
When we have an office party: food.
When we have a block party: food.
Rites of passage are brought to a close by gathering around food.
Our first bond with another human being is developed through food: the mother breastfeeding her infant.
But
food can also be a basis of social conflict, especially when you start
saying “no” to unhealthy food, partly because of our strong attachments
to each other.
There’s the family conflict, such as, “Why aren’t you eating my chocolate cake, I made it just for you?”
There’s
the unspoken friendship conflict: “If you don’t want to make me
uncomfortable, you will keep eating the same food we are used to eating
with each other.”
And there’s the silent vampy conflict. “I don’t
like her thinking she’s better than me with all those healthy food
choices she’s making.”
Because food is so social, it can be hard to make choices that are different from the choices of people around us.
Some
people might be supportive when you make that important shift from
unhealthy to healthy eating habits. Some might even be inspired by your
choices and decide to follow suit.
Other people might take your
choices as personal to them. They react as if your healthier food
choices are a negative reflection on the choices they are making.
The
“dark side” to food as a medium for social bonding is that it is loaded
with social judgements. People judge themselves and each other for what
they eat.
And it’s not just “healthy versus unhealthy” kinds of judgements.
If
you say “no” to a food that to symbolizes love or friendship to the
person offering it, they might not think you are saying no to the
effects of the food on your body. They might assume you are saying no to
what the food symbolizes to them.
Complicated stuff to deal with,
especially given the fact that making the transition to a healthy food
lifestyle is already hard enough.
But dealing with the social
complications around food doesn’t have to do you in. You don’t have to
cave to social pressure, and you don’t have to isolate yourself from
people who have unhealthy eating habits.
You just need to remember how loaded the topic of food is to some people, and prepare for it in advance.
Usually all it takes is having a few prepared explanations for your food choices.
By
having a prepared explanation for your consistent “no” to certain
foods, you can safely make your way through a social minefield by
presenting your explanation in a way that minimizes some people’s
tendency to interpret your choices as personal to them.
For
instance, let’s say you are visiting your parents, who think refined
sugar is one of the great inventions of the modern world, and Dad is
pushing pie.
Dad: “You don’t want a piece of your mother’s pie? She spent all afternoon making it!”
You:
“I know, it looks so good. I ate so much of her delicious dinner,
though. I’m so full!” (Slight lie – it wasn’t that delicious, and you’re
not that full.)
Dad: “Well, here, just a small piece.”
You:
“Well, I want to eat it when I can appreciate it, so not right now, or
it won’t taste as good as I know it is. I better take some home with me
instead. So anyway, dad, I heard that you got a new… !”
If
you’re not comfortable with a polite lie, then find your sliver of truth
to present. Just frame it in a way so that it makes people feel safe,
and they’ll be less likely to think your choice is a reflection on them.
Of course, they shouldn’t take it personally. But reality isn’t what it “should” be. It’s what it is.
People
are the way they are. To keep their emotions out of your personal
eating choices, it’s good to have a strategy for every social situation.
If
you are sticking to the carrots and hummus at the office party because
everything else is loaded with sugar and chemicals, you could briefly
explain to anyone who asks you why you aren’t trying the amazing
hydrogynated-oil-high-fructose-corn-syrup delight, that you’ve noticed
sugar makes you feel tired, and you want to see if you start feeling
better if you cut back on it.
This explanation keeps the problem
and solution all about you. Not about weight. Not about will power. Not
about “good food” and “bad food.” Not, “Are you crazy, do you know
what’s in that stuff?”
Especially nowadays – when junk food
abounds, and people everywhere are struggling with their weight – food
can be a very emotionally loaded topic.
Unless you want to engage
with people about your “strange” healthy food choices, just come
prepared with a brief, impersonal explanation for your refusal of
certain foods, one that both honors your choices and deflects intrusive
reactions.
When you prepare in advance, dealing with the
complicated social dynamics around food can be sort of like bringing an
umbrella when it looks like it might rain. With just a little
forethought, you can have a totally different experience in challenging
weather.